I have noticed over the past few months some issues that have been cropping up for me. It mainly started when I was trying out some Jeff Glover Swiss Ball Exercises.
I could do the first few just fine with a little practice. But there was one where I had to jump kick both legs out to the side and bounce on and off the ball with my butt. I tried this for a couple of weeks, I just could not do it. It felt like something was just stopping me from committing to the exercise and really going for it. ( I still haven’t got passed this)
More recently I attended a morning seminar and left before the rolling started. In my head I told myself it was because I didn’t feel great, I had already done an hour private and I had to meet Mrs Munki. But afterwards I knew it was because of the prospect of rolling with guys who I don’t know was intimidating. I was really nervous about getting injured, as I amy still working on the shoulders. I was making vast assumptions about guys I did not know, but it got in my head that I was going to get injured. (The shoulders are still restricted). I felt pretty disappointed with myself later but I eventually managed to let it go.
But thinking about these situations I have realised that it was fear that had held me back. I try to be as positive a person as possible, which isn’t easy why your job is being a Risk Manager. I get paid to identify the problems that can happen and that mentality does seep into your personal perspective on the world. No Disney view on life for this Munki. It appears that this negative view on occasion has limited me and held me back. There have been plenty of times when I have been nervous and I have taken a deep breath and just got on with it. I have been pretty pleased that I was able to do that afterwards. I am aware of the potential problems but stop myself from dwelling on the “what ifs”. I have done this so much recently; starting jiu jitsu at a new club, starting rolling again, starting a new yoga class. So much new and scary stuff but I have wanted to do these things so much that I just did them and have had positive results as a consequence.
It seems for me that fear just scratches the itch of doubt I’ve had in my mind, making it spread and get worse? It certainly seems to be what has been happening to me recently. Is this where I stop listening to my mind. I guess I am looking at another situation where the chimp (I have spoken about this in my previous post here) is running riot and I am not calming it down and listening to the human rational me. I have to calm this itchy hairy little beast down and give my more positive, rational side an opportunity to speak.
My mind created these fears, but my mind also overcame a lot too, so what makes it pick? Research? Commitment? Knowledge or Desire? I’m not sure to be honest, I am guessing it boils down to catching it at the right time. If I can ignore an itch when it first starts or give it a really good scratch that’s it, it just goes away. If I can’t reach it or I scratch it too softly then it spreads and gets worse.(Wow I’m spreading this itch analogy out). If I do the same thing when I start having negative or fearful thoughts, it might be the way to keep going and not be held back or it become a total road block.
I would be really interested in your comments on this post, as it is a little confusing for me and I hate the thought of limiting myself.